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May. 24th, 2008 | 03:45 am

So. This coming Sunday [5/25], I'm leaving Savannah for two weeks. I'm going to a 'rehab' facility on St. Simon's Island, called Focus By The Sea. They specialize in dual-diagnosis, which is for people who have a pre-existing psychological disorder that drives them to substance abuse. Fitting, seeing as my depression [since about the middle of senior year], and the post-traumatic stress from Katrina have driven me to drink far more than I know I should.

I'm hopeful. I've been resistant in the past. Partially because my rebellious side didn't want anyone telling me what to do, and partially because I didn't see an issue. The majority of the friends I have here live this lifestyle [work-get fucked up-crash-repeat], and so what's wrong? I found myself, at the end of this quarter, in a familiar situation. I had partied the weeks away, my midterm grades hadn't been great, and I knew I was going to be fucked for finals. And my therapist had offered this opportunity to me. If I passed it up, all I could see for myself was a seemingly endless continuation of the same cycle. And that's not what I want.

I am an ambitious person. I am a hard-working person. I am driven. I've just lost sight of all of that, due to circumstance and my own bad choices. I'm looking forward to this time to re-evaluate, without the stresses of everyday life pressing down on me. I know I've taken time off before, but it's been time off where I'm working at least ten shifts a week, trying to pay bills, and getting fucked up [either alcohol, coke, or some combination] at the same time. This should be far more relaxing, more reflective, and more centering.

I want to get back to a point where taking care of myself is my number one priority. I've strayed so far from that, and I want to be alright. I just want to be okay again. I've said it before, but I have so many hopes and dreams for myself. Career-wise and personally. And as the months and years have gone by, I haven't found myself any closer to those dreams. And that's not how it's supposed to work. I really hope this changes some things. I think just the fact that I'm hopeful is the second step in the right direction [the first being my decision to go]. I hope. I hope.

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birthday tat?!

Apr. 15th, 2008 | 12:57 am

It's definitely a possibility.

$90 saved so far.

I should make about $100 between Saturday and Sunday night.

Plus my tip-out this week.

Plus another tip-out check, and whatever I work/make next week.

Hmm...yes.

I was thinking of either getting my nose pierced [a landmark birthday tradition...18th birthday eyebrow ring] or getting my Kurt tattoo. Decided that my mom would likely freak out about the nose, whereas the placement of the tattoo is going to be a little more discreet.

"Everything was beautiful,
and nothing hurt."

Centered on my upper back. It's going to hurt like a bitch, but it will be beautiful.

I should probably go talk to someone at Black Orchid soon.

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another merry xmas from 'bama

Dec. 25th, 2007 | 09:14 pm

Christmas was going well until my uncle decided to voice his political opinions tonight at the dinner table and I was forced to ream him a new asshole.

He said something about Obama being Muslim [which he's not, his father was], and how he wouldn't vote for him because "those terrorists we're fightin' over there are Muslims". This is after going on and on about all kinds of shit about Hillary [also not true/valid].

I don't even like Hillary or Obama that much [this is an election where I wish there was a 'none of the above' button], but I couldn't let that kind of ignorance go by unquestioned. And I've remained pissed for the duration of the evening because I can't help but think how many other people share his views.

No place like 'home' for the holidays...

I miss the fuck out of New Orleans.

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what else is new?

Dec. 15th, 2007 | 01:49 pm
music: Salt n Pepa -- None of Your Business

Life kinda blows right now.

- I have no car. Due to my own stupid actions, but still.

- Living situation? It's December 15th, and my lease is up on the 31st. Erin and I can't agree on a place, and I think we'd end up killing each other if we did live together. So I can possibly go live with my friend Josh for a little while. Cheap rent, half the bills, tiny room. Urgh.

- Parents are making me quit my job at Pasticcio. They don't think I'll be able to work in the service industry and give my schoolwork the attention it needs. I'd like to at least have the opportunity to prove myself. Or, yanno, parents who believed in me. That could be cool.

- Parents have literally tried to sabotage my social life. Which resulted in a pretty ugly fight with a lot of yelling and cursing, where I ended up pretty much telling them to stay the fuck away. It's nice to not be on good terms with your parents, really.

- I feel like I'm in the same fucking place I was in a year ago. I mean, really, does this sound the least bit familiar to anyone else?

- It's too fucking hot to be Christmas time. It's been around 80 all week. We decorated the tree on Tuesday, and it didn't fucking feel right. Probably partially because I hadn't decorated a tree since Christmas 2004. I haven't bought any gifts yet, which is just another stressful situation. I'm just not in the mood.

- As always, I just want to fucking go home. I would give my left boob to just be able to spend a day there, doing as I pleased.

2008 should be interesting. New Year's Eve is my official last day at Pasticcio. So I'll start the New Year with no job [or Work-Study, which is kinda the plan right now], a new living situation [wherever that may be], and school starting on the 7th. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous as hell.

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(no subject)

Nov. 27th, 2007 | 12:17 pm

Well, after infecting half my family and friends and nearly losing my voice, I think I might be over my sickness. This makes me happy.

Going to Publix this morning also made me happy. Even though it was swarmed with geriatrics. [Okay, I can't lie...that's part of what made me happy.] For those of you who have never experienced Publix, it is probably the neatest, cleanest, most well-organized grocery store I have ever been in [with the exception of Whole Foods or Fresh Market]. And we all know I take my grocery stores seriously. Yeah, I'm a freak.

Work has been ridiculously slow lately, which makes me nervous. Because it means that my tip checks are tiny, and my paychecks suffer because I clock out earlier. Going home over Christmas break isn't going to happen. Partially because I don't have enough saved, partially because I still need to buy Christmas gifts, and partially because I have bills to pay and a new apartment to pay out the ass for come January. Not going home makes me sad.

After family overload this past week [and by that I mean 11am-9pm Tuesday thru Thursday and coffee Friday thru Sunday], I'm not exactly looking forward to going over to dinner tonight. My grandma's still in town. I love the hell out of her, but I'm feeling a bit smothered. My mom would be sad, though, if she extended the invitation and I refused. I somehow got out of the Bed Bath and Beyond and Home Goods trip this afternoon, sparing myself hours of pain. And Dana and I have plans tonight, so I'm leaving by 8:45.

I feel like such a bitch anytime I write anything about family.
Then again, I've been feeling like a bitch a lot lately.
Whatever. I'm looking forward to 2008. Because I've mis-used 2007, and it hasn't treated me well, in turn.

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(no subject)

Nov. 21st, 2007 | 02:18 pm

Yeah. I'm sick.

Started getting chills last night, on top of everything else.

So I went and got some antioxidant orange juice and drugged myself with NyQuil. I'm feeling a little better today, but not great. My back still hurts, as does my head. I don't feel like socializing with family.

Blah.

Oh. And my dream last night was a repeat of one I had about a month ago, and it was pretty freaky. Anyway. Caitlin and I get kidnapped by this creepy lady named Diana Rodgers, who is a locally famous piano player and career drunk. It's kinda Alice in Wonderland meets Labyrinth meets Nightmare Before Christmas. Which is kinda cool. I dunno. Maybe it was just the NyQuil talking.

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(no subject)

Nov. 20th, 2007 | 03:52 pm

Goddd...family fun week has begun. The aunt and uncle arrived today, grandparents come tomorrow. My mom's going to give me shit all week if I'm not spending enough time over there. I mean, it's cool and all, but I need some down time, too. It's the first week in forever where I have three days in a row off.

My room is cold as a fucking meat locker, so I've been sleeping on the futon lately, which is killing my back. Not cool.

A pole hit my car the other day. And by that I mean that I was backing out of my parking space, on the phone, not paying attention, and I kinda side-swiped a pole. Either way, there's a pretty huge dent and scratch on my driver's side door. I still haven't told my parents about it. Lucky for me, I have a friend who knows a thing or two about body work, so he'll probs be able to fix it for me.

It's suddenly hit me that I'm feeling sick. I woke up with a sore throat, I'm thinking my backache is the beginning of bodyaches, I'm developing a headache, and my nose has been running. URGH. This would be the time of year that I'd get sick. Lame. I think I'll go chug a gallon of orange juice and take a nap with the cat.

I've been lucid dreaming again lately. It's weird as hell, but pretty cool.

urgh.

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(no subject)

Nov. 7th, 2007 | 09:16 pm

I kind of feel like going bulimic in a Banana Republic, a la Erin. I'm not really sick, I just ate entirely too much fried calamari and chicken ziti alfredo from Corleone's. How I can even eat Italian food anymore is beyond me. And why I went to eat it today, on my first day off in a week, is also kinda puzzling. And, of course, there are leftovers. Ugh.

I get to enjoy my second day off tomorrow by doing laundry and going to a MADD Victims Impact Forum thing. I am so not happy about this. Especially since it's costing me $30. My attorney recommended I do it. Apparently it looks good in court. He also suggested today that I go to DUI school, and I'm beginning to wonder if he forgot what my charges were.

Tonight is all about The Royal Tenenbaums. I literally haven't watched it in forever. I kinda want to rent Rushmore and Life Aquatic, and just have a Wes fest, since Darjeeling Limited isn't playing here [it's playing in fucking Hilton Head, but it's not playing here...you'd think SCAD would have some draw].

I'm tired.

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(no subject)

Nov. 6th, 2007 | 12:09 am

So I've been having recurring dreams about the zombie apocalypse lately, which clearly means that it's coming.

So arm yourselves with baseball bats, machetes, M-16s, or whatever, and prepare.

My last dream was pretty brutal. I was at Pasticcio and quite a few of my coworkers died...or un-died, however you want to look at it.

Just wanted to give y'all timely warning.

That is all.

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(no subject)

Nov. 4th, 2007 | 02:16 pm
music: Tilly and the Wall -- Nights of the Living Dead

So I've decided that I miss Atlanta. Not enough to move back there or anything, but there are certain things.

I want to go get coffee at Octane and Intermezzo and Java Monkey. And at my tiny little Central Perk.

I want a frosted orange from the Varsity.

I want pizza and beer from Fellini's.

I want to go to all those funky awesome furniture stores on W. Peachtree.

I want to go to Sam Flax and Utrecht, because they [sadly] put Ex Libris and Primary to shame.

I want to go to IKEA [sweet sweet Swedish lovin'].

I want to wander around in Piedmont Park for a coupla hours.

I want to go to Little 5...Junkman's Daughter, Sweet Lime sushi, and the Arden's Garden juice bar.

I want to shop at Lenox and Phipps [though I need to save up an ass-ton of money before I can do that].

And I miss my Tech kids.

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